Hello and welcome to Believe in ME with Rhona Barton. In this week’s episode I’m going to be chatting to you about Feeling hopeful and inspired!
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Let’s jump straight in.
How often do you wish for a clean slate or a fresh start?
I must have had this thought at least once a month when I was ill. If you are anything like me, you probably find yourself getting bored quite quickly and looking for something to entertain yourself with. That might be a new TV programme, a book series, jigsaws or even the likes of sudoku puzzles. This was one of my frustrations with my ME. I liked to be on the go and doing things so having all of that stop suddenly due to my ME, was a real blow to the system.
I have been told, over the years, that I am far too positive. That it could be seen as toxic positivity and that I should be more realistic. Whilst I have a few choice words for the people that tell me that, I know that I’m able to keep things in perspective and that not everything is happy, shiny and coming up roses all of the time. I do believe that you can always learn from your situation and the circumstances. For me, it’s important to keep a balance of the positive and the negative as both can bring opportunities for learning. One of the many things that I have learned over the years, is that I don’t need to be on the go constantly, to find my inspiration or continue with a positive outlook and hope for the future.
Here’s some of the ways I have found inspiration and learned to start a fresh.
I was inspired by my Mum to look at evening classes and distance learning classes as a way to occupy my time and give me an interest. It would also help to break my isolation and give me a chance to meet new people. Little did I know at the time that the Aromatherapy evening class, would set me up with a hobby that would become my job and then something I taught others to do over the next 20 plus years.
As my health began to improve, I took the opportunity to start my own therapy business. Initially working from home and then expanding out into shared premises and finally my own therapy clinic. All because I met, and was encouraged by, a wonderful tutor who showed me that I could work from my wheelchair.
I had been told that I wouldn’t be able to do shift work again following my ME as my health wouldn’t stand for it. I was invited to work offshore on oil & gas platforms and decided to take the chance. I was swamped with the number of new things I had to learn and the challenges that I pushed myself towards. But I dealt with the travel, the shift work, the new people, being the only female offshore on a platform in the Middle East for a month at a time and having to face my fear of helicopters. I inspired myself to do more each time and it helped to build my confidence in other aspects when I was home.
I was given, for my 40th birthday, a Via Ferrata experience. For those who aren’t sure, Via Ferrata means Iron Path and it’s a form of high-altitude climbing. In my case, I travelled to Kinlochleven, near Fort William in Scotland. We made our way around the route via fixed cables, staples, ladders and bridges that run beside the third biggest waterfall in Scotland, the Grey Mare’s Tail. It was a wonderful experience and, even when I got wobbly legs mid-climb, I knew I was learning a lot about myself and my capabilities at that time. I didn’t give up and I even managed to do the high sky bridge when the others in our party decided it wasn’t for them!
Even know, when I think that I may not be able to do something, I still want to try. I like to think ahead to how I will feel once I’ve tried whatever it is.
I also like to think about what I might say to my younger self if I was able to go back in time! As I’m not a time traveller, the nearest I can get is to think more about what I might tell my 14-year-old niece if she were to ask me “Should I do X, Y, Z?” What I come back to time and again is basically, “why not try and see what you think?” I consider the risk or the danger and I think consider the mitigations that I’d expect to be in place for whatever it is I’m thinking about doing. Are those in place? Yes? Great, go for it. No? Can they be put in place? If not, perhaps it’s not for you at this time.
So how can you move your thinking to a more positive aspect that will help you look to the future, feel hopeful, inspired and start a fresh or reinvent yourself?
I know sometimes it can seem impossible to keep optimistic. Especially given the state of the economy these days and everything the past couple of years has thrown at us. However, you can gradually start to view things more optimistically. When you wake up and think it’s going to be a rubbish day, you automatically set yourself up for such a day. So, try gently shifting your expectations. The next time you catch yourself making a glooming prediction, think about a few things you can look forward to throughout the day. They don’t have to be massive things, just small changes that can help to train your brain to zoom in on positive events.
Be open to possibilities that can change your life at any point and at any age. You don’t need to be settled in a career at 25 and stick with it for the rest of your life. You can change things up numerous times in your life. If you put in the work, you can start a new career in a different industry regardless of any previous qualifications you may have. Life is too short to spend it doing something you don’t like.
Negative events can end up having positive effects. Resilience, avoidance, endurance can all be transformative to our lives. They can make up part of who we are, and they can go on to help shape our lives so why not look for meaning in these challenging moments?
Listen to other people’s stories. It can help to get out of your own head, especially if you’re feeling down. That’s part of the reason why I share my own experiences. I want you to know that you’re not alone. That I’ve been in the severe ME category, and I’ve moved through it. Why not make a point of asking someone in your family or friendship groups, to tell you a story about a meaningful time in their life? You’ll likely hear a story that involves love, courage, wisdom, tears, ups and downs. All of which make up important moments in life and are worth trying to learn from.
Don’t forget that it’s not always plain sailing! We can get knocked down, but we can always get back up again. When you feel like you’ve been knocked down one too many times, take some time to take stock. Get back to your own safety net, whatever that is. It might be family, being creative, coming up with an invention, heading out on an adventure or snuggling with your dog.
Share your plans with your family as they may be able to offer some support, advice or even go through pros and cons with you. They may be the reality check that you’re missing – I know mine bring me down to earth with a bump on occasion, but sometimes I need that. I can get carried away in the planning and forget the practicalities, so I do need a bit of a sense check now and again. Nobody gives me that quite like my family! They have learned however, that I am stubborn and will find a way to test out my plans one way or another.
That brings me to a few points from today that I’d like you to take away from this:
1. You can feel hopeful and inspired without it being 100% positive 100% of the time.
2. You can feel inspired by lots of different things and by trying new things.
3. You can reinvent yourself as often as you wish – there are no rules!
4. Getting your family on board with your new plan can be beneficial but please don’t let it stop you if they have their doubts.
So that’s it for today everybody. I’ve spoken about some of the things that have inspired me and some of the bumps I’ve had along the way. Whatever you choose to do to help you move forward, I hope you do it with confidence, determination and hope!
Thank you for listening. Please review, share and follow Believe in ME with Rhona Barton via Apple podcasts, Spotify or wherever you find your podcasts and remember that you can sign up to my mailing list by visiting my website at www.rhonabarton.co.uk
My Facebook group, Believe in ME Community, can be found by searching for the Believe in ME Community (https://www.facebook.com/groups/716634186122640/about)
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